i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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