how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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