I'm drive I can fine osifer
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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