I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
