I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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