I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
