I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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