my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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