we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
