there's paper in my vomit.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
