your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
