I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just threw up on my dentist
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
