Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my shit smells like andre
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
