From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
