Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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