Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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