i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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