So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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