shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i think i have herpe
just one?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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