That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
