Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
