I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
