drinking out of a sandbucket again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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