hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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