Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
