looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
