Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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