i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
