I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
