I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
