White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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