Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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