I am in a vortex of obligation.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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