what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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