When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm always down for nudity.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
