i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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