you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
