no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
