I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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