And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
