so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
