If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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