This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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