We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
