oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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