If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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