I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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