Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
