Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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