the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
