I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
