I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
