My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
