hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize