I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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