mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I need to sanitize my soul.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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