I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
