I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
