The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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