Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can you bring me the toilet please
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
