we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't deserve a penis
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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