So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
