MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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