i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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