i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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