im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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