Dual....:-)
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i was born a porn star she said
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
