I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
