theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't turn off my feet"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
