so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize