Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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