I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
