Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
