There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
