I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
