I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
