oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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