Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
