i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
