take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
