If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Vodka?
Forever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize