I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize